I yelled.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
The noise, that is.
It was naptime after all. It was the one time in the day when I get to enjoy QUIET. It’s when I don’t have to answer questions every 10 seconds or “look, look, look, mommy look” at every little thing going on in the back seat of the car.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
On the drive to pick up his big brother, he wanted to listen to music. I wanted to listen to a podcast. He wanted to talk. I wanted silence. The toddler wanted to kick his big brother and make him scream. I wanted them both to be asleep ALREADY!
After I lost it…I looked in the rearview mirror and saw those big tears swell up in his eyes. Yes, it had been a stressful moment. Yes, I had been “on” way too many days (and nights) in a row with no breaks. Yes, I was feeling exhausted and I was gripping, clinging, CRAVING a “car nap” so I could zone out and recharge before picking up the 1st grader.
But I hated that I yelled and made him cry. I pulled over. We talked. We hugged. I said I was sorry. “Even mommies get frustrated sometimes.” We rebooted and off we went, now in the rain.
They didn’t nap.
I didn’t get the quiet. But I did learn from my own outburst that it was time for a break.
And so…today…I took that break. I went to a kickboxing class and then walked around the farmer’s market (one of my favorite places) alone.
It felt amazing. And this new sense of LOVE filled up all of my senses.
Seriously, I don’t know if I was high from working out or the fresh veggies made me gaga, but my senses were heightened. I was completely present as I noticed the fresh strawberries and the greens. I smelled the herbs. I watched the farmers smiling as they sold their freshly picked food. I saw the mom walking the market with her teenage son. I saw the beautiful pregnant woman anticipating the birth of her new baby. I thought about my sons, at home with their daddy, and then the tears flowed.
This time tears of complete joy and gratitude. There is just so much beauty in the world.
Taking a break helped me reconnect to the amazing beauty that is in my life (that’s hard to see through tired eyes sometimes). I’m grateful for my life. I’m grateful for the gift of being a mom. I’m grateful for all the imperfect moments of this journey, because every day it teaches me something new about life.
Life isn’t perfect.
Life as a mother isn’t perfect either.
We lose it sometimes. The noise never ends. And the mess…well let’s not get started on that.
But that’s ok. We are doing the best that we can. And our best is good enough.
Feel the gratitude in your heart. And get a moment to step away from your daily life. Because when you take a break from the every day, you remember…there is beauty in the noise, the mess, the chaos, the freak out moments and the tears.
There really is beauty, even in the weeds.
Your Personal Reflection:
Are you in need of a break? Listen to what you need most in this moment. What are you most grateful for? Can you see the beauty around you, even in the chaos?
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Enjoy a few of my past posts: Let Go of Distractions & Be Together and Dear Mom. And if you haven’t see it yet, here’s the music video I created with my brother and sister: Being a Mom.
