i love happy is…
letting the tears flow freely,
and then…
feeling the laughter.
I was getting ready for the day when my 4-year-old, Kestan, greeted me with a grin. He had a pink flower and scissors in his hand. “Mommy, I cut a flower for you. And…I cut Ashton’s hair!”
It was as if Ashton, my 20-month-old, was waiting for his cue. Right then, as my brain was taking in what Kestan just told me, Ash came from around the corner, with the biggest smile on his face. The chunks and wisps of his hair were trailing on the ground behind him.
His baby hair…those golden, untamed, soft curls…gone. Just. like. that. From a curious brother and a $2 pair of kid scissors, Ashton’s first haircut spontaneously happened throughout the house and back yard. As Kestan described, “I had to follow Ashton all around while I was cutting because he wouldn’t stand still.”
Although I’m smiling in these pictures, my first response to the news was shock, then sadness. I couldn’t help but let the tears well up and feel the pit in my stomach after finding my baby’s curls all over the house. Luckily my husband was home when it happened. So he stepped in while I stepped away to cry. I needed time to process what had just happened. I needed time to reflect on why it mattered. Why was I so attached to the baby curls? What was I holding on to?
Kestan was so proud of his work, so we explained to him why mommy was sad, but also made sure we gave him the love and attention he needed, too. Cutting his brother’s hair wasn’t necessarily a “bad” thing. It was obvious he took a lot of time with the cutting, and he was pretty darn dedicated to doing it well, considering he cut off every last curl! We could see that from Kestan’s perspective, he thought he was doing something special for his brother. After all, his finishing touch was putting a flower behind Ashton’s ear.
That’s what we will remember most. The flower. The love and care Kestan genuinely showed his brother. And the fact that his experimentation with scissors gave Ashton a first haircut we will always look back and laugh about.
Now that it’s been a few weeks since the actual cutting, I have stopped visualizing the halo of blond curls around Ashton’s head when I look at him. He does look older. He even seemed to act differently from the very moment his curls hit the ground. And that’s ok. It’s the fact of life right?
Our kid’s try things. They grow up. And life is ever changing. Surprising us with each new day. This particular moment was yet another simple reminder that it’s not really what happens in every given day, but rather how we react to what life throws our way. In the small and the not so small moments – it’s what we think, say and do that makes all the difference in the world. It’s the love and care we show others (and ourselves). And it’s our ability to laugh after the tears that helps us practice letting go and moving on.
After it’s all said and done, sometimes ya just gotta laugh about it.
Your Personal Reflection:
What moments in your life seemed sad and frustrating when they happened, however, when you stepped away and let time pass, you could actually see the hidden laughter and joy? Notice your reaction to every day moments and see if you can laugh a little more today.
Oh sweet Shannon, I have yet to cut Gwendolyn’s hair, though her brother has clipped off a tiny bit awhile ago. There is just this feeling of yearning for both of them to not grow up so fast that makes me want to hold on to the little bit of ‘my baby’ reminders. We are going through a bit of a rough patch with Elias right now and your words are a salve to my heart. Stepping back and finding joy and peace…yes.
Lynnette,
I hadn’t realized how much I had LOVED nestling my nose in Ashy’s hair, or running my fingers through his curls, until they were gone. Sometimes we do need to step back and take a break to gain a different perspective. I love your words “salve to my heart.” You make me smile and I’m grateful we can relate in this world of motherhood!
Oh my, I could feel the emotions of this post in the pit of my stomach this morning. I am sure that there have been many moments in my life with the boys that I could look back on and feel these same emotions. I think what I liked most about this post was that you describe feeling both emotions. I think that so often, we hear that one emotion should be present. We shouldn’t be sad because…. I think that allowing ourselves the room to grieve, to cry, to be shocked is important and essential to finding the meaning in any lesson. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful story.
Heather,
Thanks for feeling alongside me, sweet mama. YOU are so right – “it’s alright to cry…crying gets the sadness out of you…” – like the great Free To Be song reminds us. We MUST work through all sorts of emotions to find our footing once again. Big hugs…
Oh yes, I understand… I relate… I see my ‘baby’ grow so hard, so fast these days, and it breaks my heart at times… And laughing – allowing myself to feel the joy – definitely is the glue that sticks it back together. Until it breaks again… Tears in my eyes reading this, because it hits so close to home – not literally, but in my soul! Good for you – for taking the moment to walk away and cry. Good for you for coming back to smile, hug and take it in a little deeper. You’re brave for feeling it all, you know? xo!
Yvonne!
Our “babies” are growing SOOOOO FAST! Thank you for your lovely comments and for letting your tears well, too. I adore you – sweet, BRAVE mama… xo
I had this very same experience. First I was upset that magnolia chopped of Sienna’s, already short, pony tails. Then I realized that every kid does this…we took her to the hair cut place and she actually looked adorable with her short hair cut! ~Suzy
Suzy,
Thank you for sharing. It’s true – although shocking and upsetting at first – it does seem to work out in the end. I was probably going to have to cut Ashy’s hair eventually – and since Kestan did it for me at least I didn’t have to make the decision when. And he’s pretty darn cute in his little short mohawk cut after all! xo
omg shannon! i would’ve had to step away and cry too! i sure cried the first time i cut ezra’s curls off in st. martin. he was bawling as i did it watching himself transform in the big full size mirror. it was horrible. he still cries now when he gets his hair cut. i’m not the one doing the cutting though. maybe it was better kestan took care of this. no tears from the littles, only the mama. : ) you will look back on this and laugh i’m sure. and by the way, kestan did a great job!
Anushka,
Oh my…it IS so hard to say goodbye to the baby hair. Sounds like it was hard for Ezra, too. I wonder if someday he will let his hair grow long? We are so used to Ashton’s new do that now it is a “funny” memory for us all. (I still miss the curls, though!)
Hi!. It is a huge exercise! but it really works!. I´ve expierence that and I´m expierencing it now, when I´m going trough one of the hardest times of my life. Even in the most diificult times, you can find joy if you look for it and create it. and then you come stronger than ever. Have a nice week!